


When You Really Love Somebody

by kho



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: Mike gets out of jail and the thing is...   Rachel fared just a whole lot better than he thought she might, and harvey, well.  Harvey fared just about exactly how he would have expected.  And he should have realized what that meant a long time ago.





	

Mike leans his hands either side of the door when Harvey opens it, looking up at Harvey’s welcoming grin. “Hey.”

Harvey doesn’t say anything as he steps away from the door, turning around and walking back into the livingroom. A fire is on and there’s a half-full glass of scotch on the coffee table. He gestures over to the bar but Mike’s already grabbing a glass, pouring himself a matching drink. “Help yourself.”

“What’s yours is mine, Harvey,” Mike says, facing him again. “Not that you’ve ever said anything remotely like that, but that seems to be the case.” He looks around, takes a sip of the dark liquid. “Since I met you, you’ve been giving your things to me.”

Harvey smirks but doesn’t deny it, swallows an over large bit of scotch and watches as Mike sits next to him. “It’s your first Friday home, you’re not spending it with Rachel?”

Mike looks away and doesn’t answer. “You look tired, Harvey.”

Harvey clocks the non-answer, Mike can tell he does, but he ignores it because Harvey knows when Mike’s not going to answer versus when he should push. He wipes a hand down his face and stretches his back. “That’s your way of saying I look like shit.”

“No, you look amazing, you always look amazing,” Mike says softly, staring down at his drink. “That’s my way of saying you look really fucking tired, Harvey.”

Harvey’s knee bumps into his as a way of getting Mike to look at him but Mike doesn’t. “Hey,” Harvey says finally, leaning forward and putting his glass down. “You okay?”

“You know, when I went in,” Mike says, taking a deep breath. He’s gripping the tumbler so tightly in his hand the condensation makes it slip slightly and his finger squeaks across the glass, “I was a mess, Harvey. I was so worried about Rachel. What she was gonna do, how she was gonna cope. If she was gonna be okay. Stop sleeping. Stop eating. Lose focus. Collapse again. Fall apart.”

“Rachel’s made of tougher stuff than that, Mike,” Harvey says, and Mike does look then. Sees a satisfied smile on Harvey’s face. Prideful. He can hear the ‘atta girl’ that Harvey’s thinking just as loud as if he’d said it aloud.

“And I hated that thought, the thought of what me being in there was going to do to her. I didn’t want her to suffer, I didn’t want to be the person that did that to her.” He laughs then, eyes skating up to nervously meet Harvey’s. “I’m not a very good person, Harvey.”

Harvey’s hand is on his thigh, a comforting warm press of his fingers, absently squeezing probably without Harvey even being conscious he’s doing it. “What are you even talking about? Of course you’re a good person. You’re maybe the _best_ person I’ve ever known in my _life_ Mike.”

“Because the thing is, I got out, and she looks amazing. Gorgeous.” He smiles, closes his eyes and remembers the way the wind whipped through her hair, shifted her skirt and blouse on the breeze. “And she’s okay, Harvey. She’s fine. She kept going. She didn’t stop sleeping or stop eating, she didn’t lose focus, she didn’t… She found a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

Harvey frowns. “Mike, we all cope in our own way, it doesn’t mean--”

“But you,” Mike says, turning to face Harvey more fully, putting his hand on top of Harvey’s, trapping it on his thigh. “You look tired, man, like maybe you didn’t sleep much. And like maybe you didn’t eat much. Or focus on much of anything that wasn’t me getting out. And she’s okay and I want her to be, but you… You look really tired.”

Harvey pulls his hand back and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Listen.”

“And, I’m not this amazing person you think I am because an amazing person would be glad that she survived me being in there and found a way to keep going, to not fall apart, instead of being hurt that she did,” he says, and his heart hurts, because it’s raw and it’s something he’s ashamed of but it’s _the fucking truth_ . “An amazing person wouldn’t look at you and think…. That, that’s what she should be. That shoulda been her. Because it tore you the fuck up, Harvey, and--” He laughs, closing his eyes briefly. “And it means so much to me, how much it fucked you up. You don’t even know.”

Harvey looks at him and his eyes shine just slightly and he’s still torn the hell up and it makes a hard lump form in the back of Mike’s throat. “It shoulda been me.”

“You spent every day I was in there working to get me out.”

Harvey holds his gaze, his voice only a whisper when he speaks. “I couldn’t do anything _but_ that, Mike. I couldn’t… I tried. Jessica and Louis were fighting to…” He closes his eyes, shakes his head. “The firm was crumbling out from beneath our feet and we were gonna lose everything and all I could think about was getting you the _fuck out of there_ .”

“I think when I didn’t marry her, subconsciously it’s because I knew,” Mike says, staring back down at his drink. “That… that marrying her was locking her up. And she wanted me to lock her up, because I was so scared of her leaving me, Harvey. I was fucking terrified of her leaving me, and I wanted to lock her up, tie her to me, and she wanted me to because she, I think. I think she was afraid she would too.”

“That’s not fair,” Harvey says quietly, and he reaches forward and wipes away a tear Mike hadn’t realized he’d let out. “She loves you.”

“And I love her,” Mike says. “But I don’t trust her. I don’t trust her like I trust you. Because I never doubted you, Harvey. I was never once afraid you’d leave me.”

Harveys hand drifts uncertainly in front of Mike like he can’t figure out where it should land, his eyes searching Mike’s for some kind of answer and Mike doesn’t know what question he’s asking but God, he just wants to give it to him. “I wouldn’t.”

“I love you, Harvey,” Mike says, finally realizing what he’s been trying to say this entire time. He reaches over and plucks Harvey’s hand out of the space between them. “I love you in ways I never loved her. I love you the same way you love me, because. I went to jail for you, Harvey. I went to prison for what was supposed to be 2 years for you and the only reason you didn’t go for me was because I beat you to it.”

Harvey closes his eyes. “Mike.”

“So you look tired because you lost sleep, and you didn’t eat, and you spent every second of the day trying to get me out of there because it broke you apart that I was in there,” Mike says, squeezing Harvey’s hand, pulling on it, tugging on Harvey, trying to make him open his eyes and look at him. “Because I didn’t want you to suffer, I didn’t want her to suffer, I didn’t want either of you to be in pain, but when you love someone. When you really, truly love someone--”

“I couldn’t even breathe, knowing you were in there,” Harvey says, eyes finally opening to meet Mike’s.

“You don’t just move on, and I know because… because I would’ve done the same if it had been you in there,” Mike says. “We broke up.”

Harvey blinks. “You what?”

“Rachel and me,” Mike says, reaching over, putting a hand on the side of Harvey’s neck. “We’re done.”

“Mike.”

“Do you love me?”

Harvey’s eyes shut again. “Mike.”

“Harvey,” Mike presses, thumb digging into the side of Harvey’s neck, pressing into the pulse point. It beats steady and strong under his finger, in time to Mike’s own thudding heart. “Do you love me?”

“You know I do,” Harvey says, voice quiet as he opens his eyes to look back at him.

Mike kisses him then, leaning forward and sealing their lips together, his heart flipping three times in his chest the second Harvey starts kissing him back, hand tugging out of Mike’s grip to grasp the side of Mike’s neck. “You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined doing that.”

“You’re done.”

Mike pulls back to look at him. “What?”

“You and Rachel,” Harvey says, leaning into Mike’s personal space, hand sliding down until his fingers curl around Mike’s tie, pulling him closer. “You’re done?”

Mike locks eyes with him. “If we weren’t, do you really think I’d be here?”

Harvey stares into his eyes, looking right into Mike’s soul just like he’s always done, since day one. “Good.” The follow up kiss to that takes Mike’s breath away, Harvey’s tongue in his mouth winding against his own in seconds, the knot of his tie wrenching up until it’s pressing against his Adam’s Apple as Harvey pulls him tighter and tighter against him. “Cause there’s no going back now.”

Mike leans over and deposits his barely touched scotch on the coffee table next to Harvey’s, shifts, gets up on a knee, and then straddles Harvey’s lap. Bringing his hands around Harvey’s face he slides his fingers back into Harvey’s hair, staring right back into Harvey’s soul. “Since this thing started, I’ve never once wanted to go back.” He grins. “Why would I start now?”

“Good answer,” Harvey says, hands settling on Mike’s hips, sliding him closer. “In for a penny.”

“Shut up already,” Mike says, and kisses him again, moaning as he feels Harvey growing hard beneath him.

After a few moments Harvey pulls back and rests a hand on Mike’s chest, pushing him back. “What if this is not what you think it is.”

Mike grins and his hand travels down Harvey’s chest to where his hardon is, fingers lightly skating over it. “It’s a penis, Harvey. I’m aware.”

“I’m saying,” Harvey says, voice hardening as he reaches down and grabs Mike’s hand to pull it away. “What if this is just fear. What if tomorrow you wake up, next week you wake up.” He lets out a breath and locks eyes with Mike. “She loves you. You love her.”

“You know when I knew I was in love with you,” Mike asks, extricating his hand out of Harvey’s to reach up and slide through Harvey’s hair.

Harvey smirks at him. “The second you laid eyes on me?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “Please, you were just some Harvard douche lawyer who thought his shit didn’t stink when I first saw you,” he says, laughing at Harvey attempts to shove him off of him. Sobering, he takes a deep breath. “No, when you came to see me after Grammy died. You coming to me would have been enough, but smoking with me. Listening. Just. Being there? That’s when I knew.”

Harvey rolls his eyes. “Because I smoked with you?”

“No. because there was no judgement. No expectation. No lecture or right way to grieve or be or do you just.” Mike swallows, because even now, years after she died, it still hurts so bad. “You just came to be with me and you didn't try to fix anything or make anything better you just…. tried to be there and tried to be what I needed you to be.”

Harvey’s hand cups the side of Mike’s face and it’s such a tender gesture and Mike wasn’t expecting it. It’s almost enough to undo him, he’s so close to being undone as it is. “Which was what?”

“Just. Proof.”

Harvey’s smile is soft and fond. “Of?”

“That I wasn't alone. I wasn't….” He slides his hands down to Harvey’s lapels, wonders distractedly why Harvey’s still wearing his suit jacket. Gripping the lapels in his hands he holds himself there, takes a deep breath. “My biggest fear Harvey. My biggest, panic attack inducing, horrific nightmare that wakes me up in a cold sweat, since I'm 11, is that one day I wake up and everyone's gone. No one’s there. I'm totally, completely alone.”

Harvey’s thumb drifts over Mike’s cheek and Mike tilts his head into the gesture. “That will never happen.”

“With Rachel I'm afraid it might, is the thing,” Mike whispers, because even if it is what he feels, even if it is h is fear, it still feels like a betrayal to say it outloud. “That she could move on. That she could let you work on getting me out. Alone. Not doing anything herself.”

Harvey shakes his head. “There was nothing for her to do.”

Mike fixes him with a hard look. “Shoe on the other foot, Harvey. Say it's her working on the Cahill deal. Is there _any_ way you sit on the sidelines and let it happen without you?”

Harvey is silent but his eyes say everything.

“So can you stop arguing with me now,” Mike asks, smirking and leaning in until his mouth is hovering just over Harvey’s, pitching his voice lower, softer. “I’ve wanted to know for years what we’d be like like this, don’t make me wait any longer.”

Harvey snakes his arms around Mike’s waist and pulls him closer. “If you insist.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr here under [@lovethesnark](http://lovethesnark.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Fanfiction Website  
> MOST of my fic is not on AO3, though all of my H5O and beyond is as AO3 didn't exist yet and it was too much to archive. It can be found on my website at [LoveTheSnark.com](http://www.lovethesnark.com).


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